Live.Laugh.and.Love

Tonight, like every other night while I was prepping myself to get ready to go to sleep. It appears as though the room is getting colder then usual. I went over to the thermostat in the living room to verified if the heater was broken or did someone adjusted it, but the setting has not change. Also I checked the individual heater inside my bedroom, no changes on the temperature setting either. However my body continue to felt cold like the temperature was dropping below freezing. I decide to go to bed to warm myself, as I laid underneath my blanket trying to keep my body warm from this coldness. My mind started to wonder off into the dark distance with a blank stare. I found myself thinking back on my life and how things has happen to me. I wonder is their a greater power working for me or against me, I ask myself? Sometime I question and wonder if I could have controls these things or was it destine to happen to me? Is this why I'm feeling cold inside because I feel sometime is going to happen to me (a gut feeling).

As I reflect back on my life, I had such great memories of the past beside my recent divorce after spending almost my entire life with one woman that I have love for so long. OK, not all the memories was not that great there were good and bad times.

In a blink of an eye, I have lost everything I had work so hard to build my family and life. Now my life is in pieces and I have hurt so many individuals especially my kids.

Sometime I wonder why I was unhappy with my marriage life? Did something trigger in me to have made such bad decision or was it a greater power that cause my divorce to happen? I think both part play a major part is my divorce. Maybe its never meant to be understood but to live on and learn from my mistakes. Sometime life throws curves at us for some reason or another. I guess I just need to face it and move on forward with my life without looking back. However I've enjoy every moment of my life that I've spent with all the people that I had encounter and fell in love with. I would do all over again in a heart beat. 

I've learn in these past months that in order to fell in love again. My mind and heart needs to be in one place in order to give my full love to the next person. For awhile I had such a hard time letting go, which hinder me from meeting another potential woman to enter into my life. As of recent months I found myself to have much interest for a particular woman. She has brought joy and happiness to my life. Is this the reason I must learn to live, laugh and love again? I thought, I would never be able to find such happiness again, because of my recent divorce. Why I'm feeling cold again? I feel as though something horrible is going to happen? I feel a cold chill rolling down from the back of my neck to my spine.

I'm getting tired, maybe I'm thinking too much. I just need to rest for now.